It’s strange…

When I was a kid me and my best friend Emma were inseperable. Every weekend we’d be round at each others housing playing barbies or whatever took our fancy that day. We even went on holiday together once together, where we faught and made up every day.
We used to talk about how when we were older and had kids,  she’d be my kids Godmother and “auntie Emma” and vice versa. And that the funny thing was, we were sure we would be there for each other when we got older, there was no two ways about it.
Even though we managed to stay best friends through different schools untill we were about 13, which was quite a feat, the calls eventually stopped coming and our friendship fizzled out. I always have thought about her at least once a day though.

The other day I spent about half an hour looking for her on the internet, as I have no idea where she’s living now. I had no luck.
Then yesterday I was sitting in a parked car in town, and her and her sister walked past. But stupidly I didn’t get out and say hello. I don’t know why. I just pretended not to see her.
Today she went into my mums place of work, and she’s pregnant. Only 17.
To be honest, i’m shocked but not really suprised. She was always the prettier one of the two, and she started her interest in boys ages before me.  As soon as I heard this my first instinct was that I wanted to get in touch with her. I have no idea why her being pregnant would make me think of this, perhaps because of when we were young. I want to be there for her.
But after thinking about it for a while, it hit me that she’d asked my mum how I was, but nothing more. She didn’t ask about making contact with me. And i’ve lived in the same house for 14 years, if she’d wanted to see me, she just had to turn up at my door.

I don’t really know what to think. I mean, the last few times we saw each other it was horribly awkward. We’d both changed so much, we were completly different people, and yet I still want to be best friends with her and I hate that. I know i’m just clinging on to the past.

I’d like to end this with an “onwards and upwards” but that doesn’t really feel right somehow.


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