Five Worst British Celebrities

I’m sure every country has their own celebrities that they’d like to forget about. There’s some that do anything to get famous, and some that have done nothing to get famous, and yet somehow are adored by the public. The following people lead me to have angry rants on a daily basis. They’re people I (and most of the UK) cannot stand, and yet for some reason they’re pandered to by the media and given huge sums of money to do very little.

1.  Katie “Jordan” Price

Jordan is one of Britains most sucessfull Page Three models, she has made her fame from posing in Playboy specials as well as launching her own lingerie and hair care products for Superdrug. Although I wouldn’t exactly class her as a “businesswoman”, I think it’s safe to say she’s done well for herself. This is all well and good, but I don’t understand why her doing this means it’s okay for her to publicly and shamlessly flaunt her private life. She constantly complains about the picture the media paint of her and the fact they rarely leave her alone, so why did she decide to take part in a Reality TV show that does exactly that: it follows her around airing the day to day life of her and her children on TV. I think the only thing more pathetic than someone thinking their life is interesting enough to be on TV is the fact that people out there lead such dull and uninteresting lives that they feel the need to sit down and watch someone elses. She’s also a whiny slag.

2. Piers Morgan

Former editor of the British tabloid newspaper The News of the World (and if you’re my type of person, that should instantly put you off him). He moved on to work as the Editor for the equally as shit Daily Mirror, but was fired in 2004 for allowing them to print faked photographs of Iraqi prisoners being abused by personnel from the British Army. You’d think this would get the smug little shit who’s responsible for ruining many people’s lives through his rag of a newspaper off our screens, but no such luck. In 2006 he became a judge on the second series of Americas Got Talent, which basically means he sits there and tells people they’re worse than he is. How degrading.

3. Paul Burrell

The type of person who, even saying his name, makes me want to throw up a little. Burrell was at one time, a footman for Queen Elizabeth II and later on became the Butler for Princess Diana. He’s gained his “celebrity status” by making allegations againsed the Royal Family about his time he spent with them. From this he’s managed to forge some sort of career starring in reality TV shows (i’m noticing a theme here…) such as I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here and as a judge on Australian Princess. The thing that really gets to me about Paul Burrell, is just the fact that he’s made a fortune through telling lies about the Royal Family, and yet he thinks he was completly loyal and caring during his time with them. It really is about time Britain cuts their losses with Burrell instead of giving him an undeserved celebrity status.

4. Jeremy Kyle

The Jeremy Kyle Show is billed as a “day time talk show”, the nearest American thing I can think to relate it to is The Jerry Springer Show, which I suppose has the same kind of format, where the guests come on with problems and the host tries to solve it.
Only, just by watching the show, it soon becomes clear that helping the contestants isn’t really Jeremy’s aim, it’s more about making himself look good in front of an audience of unemployed chav scum.
Kyle feels the need to humiliate and shame the guests, but then he claims he was just “trying to help them” as soon as they retalliate.
It seems to me that there are only two purposes for this programme, firstly to entertain members of the british public that feel watching people shout at each other is entertainment, and secondly, to enflate Kyles ego and make him feel like a big man. It really is a pity we have these kind of shows on our screen. Yet another case of the British public being mindlessly controlled by something that is clearly obscene and repulsive. What a stupid bunch of braindead sheep we are.

5. Jade Goody

As much as I seriously despise everyone i’ve written about in this blog entry, it’s Jade Goody that really makes me shake my head in disbelief.
Yes, she’s made a name (and a fortune) for herself, all of the people i’ve written about have, i’m not disputing that. It’s just HOW she’s done it.
In 2002 she was a contestant in the British version of Big Brother, and was probably one of the thickest contenstants ever to have been in the house (and that’s saying something.)
She didn’t even win the show, and yet somehow, through paid PA’s telling her what to do next, she’s manage do forge a career.
Yes, she’s launched a perfume. But before we see that as some big achievement, perhaps we should define what we mean by “launched”. She basically paid for the perfume to be made up, and then sat on the GMTV sofa talking about “her” new perfume. A lot of hard work there.
She’s also had her own various TV shows, although I should really point out that she did little more in them than she did in Big Brother, which is basically just sitting around not doing much.
Although there is a happy ending to all of this. She went back into Big Brother in 2007 and acted like a racist and stuck up bitch, which effectively ended her sham of a career. She’s now appearing in panto. What a businesswoman.

What i’m trying to get at here, is that we shouldn’t allow people like this to become celebrities for minimum effort overnight. Most of the people in this list are utterly hated by the British public, and yet they’re still hosting their own TV shows and publishing pathetic excuses for magazine collums. Should we really be dishing out millions of pounds to see pictures of the ugly little spawns of a Big Brother contestant? Why the hell should we CARE about the ugly little spawns of Big Brother contestants? Surely magazines would be of better use providing information about the war in Afghanistan and real issues, rather that on who an talentless ex-soapstar is fucking this week?

Next time you pick up a copy of Heat magazine, remember, you’re just encouraging them. Stop it.


5 Responses

  1. I couldn’t agree more with everyone on this list, except Piers Morgan; now, hear me out. I know he does that smug Brit thing on American telly AND he’s usually really nasty to people just to make himself look even more smug than before BUT when you press him on really important topics, like on Question Tiem, he really knows his stuff. He’s not daft. Plus, I don’t think it was the News of The World before the Mirror where he worked, I think it was the Sun.

  2. Nice new look here, Lucy. And your new mastery of the shift key is uncanny.

  3. And people wonder why I never bother to do new blog entries.

  4. jade goody is not just the worst in britain. don’t take away her international infamy. everybody hates her!

  5. I forgot about how much they hate her in India now. No matter how much war there is in the world, we can all unite in the fact we all hate Jady Goody.

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